Having spent the past 10 years living like a hermit, I'm getting a bit of a shock on my journey to share everything I have learnt with the world! Beware false prophets!! And there are alot of them out there!
10 years ago I went through a period of change and detachment. I lived in a women's refuge due to the break down of a relationship and literally left everything behind me! And do you know what I absolutely loved it! Letting go of all my material and alot of my sentimental things, meant a total new start and I had already begun to question the way I had been living and my mind set had begun to change regarding what was important to have in my life. I was just turning 30 years old and shedding the person i was in my 20s, my two children were still under 10 years old and i no longer believed in the social traditions of relationships and family life and i wanted to show them there is a different way if they choose to acknowledge it one day when they grow up.
I loved the support network I found through experiencing a negative relationship trauma, I really can't fault the help I received at the time. I had to leave my job due to the circumstances so I had a lot of time to think and meditate which I did a lot of, everyday, staring into candles and at sacred geometry, drawing, painting and running through nature, truly healing and amazing! I stayed in the refuge for 11 months because I loved it so much! I don't get my energy from other people you see so I have no interest in drama or social situations, I just kept my focus and did what I needed to do.
When I was rehoused I had nothing and really questioned what was worth having. I decided computers were necessary, but no tv, no fridge freezer, no car and initially no washing machine. I also didn't have an oven, instead a microwave, vegetable steamer and a rice cooker. We cooked and ate what we needed fresh each day, i washed clothes by hand, walked or bused to where i needed to go and if we wanted some screen time we would watch a dvd together on the laptop. It was perfect for me at that time. I would highly recommend the experience and I've always said I'd never be happier living alone in the woods. It is incredible how you are able to manage when you live to your means and in a more organic way.
When I lived at home as a child with my mother we never had much growing up. Due to her health at one point in the early 90s she couldn't work and I vividly remember her going to the markets when they had packed up to find any fallen fruit and veg she could bring home and clean up to cook for dinner! Mum was an incredible cook she could make a meal out of veg, rice and a tin of anything savoury! The irony about my mothers situation was she grew up like a princess in Ranikhet in India where she was born in 1941 and lived to the age of 10. Her father was in the Indian British Army and they were very well looked after until the war was over and my grandfather wanted to leave the army and move back to England. At 16 she went to nursing school against her wishes to go to art college, and she devoted her entire life to nursing until she was 72 when she retired and came to live with me, until she died at 77 in 2018. And despite all her financial and material losses over the years, if you asked my mother if she considered herself to be working class or middle class she would always reply with “Oh Upper Class of course!!”
Three things that really dont make you a better person are money, status and popularity! I can only speak from the experience I can relate to and I have certainly always been part of the minority in many ways. However I've grown up knowing to be humble and I've grown up in total authenticity. Because I live with such an open heart I've been shocked and hurt when I learn and realise that not everyone lives the same way and when your heart is so open and giving it really hurts, true pain, when the energy doesn't resonate! Fear not though life is a lesson and i would always take being humble and authentic over the opposite! Plus it has taught me how to heal myself through self belief, breathing, self love, the list goes on!
One thing I have really learnt about myself on a deep level is that less is definitely more for me! Ever since I was a child I was never afraid to speak my mind, however as I grew into my adolescence, no one ever seemed to like what I did or said! When I turned 12 i went to girls grammar school and me being me i dived into it like i do with everything in my life! However my free spirit and unconditioned behaviour never went down very well and I was labeled and pigeon holed quite quickly!
So as i grew into my adult years i presumed i was always unfortunate and most people just didn't like me and i can live with that in fact i'd rather have one true authentic person in my life, than a thousand i don't believe in and cant trust! So my inner circle has always been very small which is fine by me and very manageable.
In life we can only truly relate to that which is familiar with us and one day we begin to realise that everyone lives, behaves and acts in quite different ways. Each to their own and there is no right and wrong in the bigger picture just different ways of self expression and learning life lessons.
I have learnt that authenticity and being humble is actually a great tool for manifestation! Money is energy and a large part of this is tied in with your self belief programming. Because I have never had a lot, even when I have a little I feel like I have loads! Also having less material gains means you value your emotional worth more and my children and family have always filled me up emotionally, plus the times I have had nothing and felt like i have had no one to run to i have turned with in. The greatest opportunity arose, to build a loving and stable relationship with myself and really focus on what that means and how i can self heal!!! I've now been self healing for 14 years and it never stops and it's the best medicine i have ever had! I could write a book? Maybe I will! The point is do you feel you are being authentic to yourself? Are you living a life you are happy with regardless of the outcome?
Becoming a healer and being able to offer this service is the greatest thing i could have ever wished for and this is why i do what i do, this is why i have always been so open, this si why i live from the heart, so i can share it with the world without fear or the pain of rejection.
I've learnt how to change the channel or negativity and one of my mantras is “I am easy to forgive and hard to offend” it works wonders!
I mean this when i say this i am so happy! I am working and living from the heart, therefore i've stopped dwelling on money and outcomes. Because i have drawn my attention away from stress and burden, everything i need on a daily basis falls into alignment with my true self and i've stopped struggling. The inner journey has become smoother, my reactions to life are more relational, the relationships i have are more true and the drama and the stress have slipped away because i've found love and happiness and it is me, i am the one i have been waiting for, it's nothing to do with wealth, ego or what anyone else is thinking. Plus because I focus solely on love, if it does offend anyone I have no concerns. It's just that my vibration is so high and authentic, it can be hard to face and accept, to those on a lower one. Therefore, I wish everyone well, high or low, my concern is not the outcome, just to share the love and healing i’ve learnt, in the hope not to attract the masses, just that one person out there in my lifetime who resonates, connects and feels better!
So tell me your self healing journey! Or would you like to have a chat about how to start one? Beautiful things are born from bad experiences, trust me I can vouch for that first hand!
I've put all my love and energy into Compassionate Therapy, my healing therapy room and all my qualifications and services I offer if anyone would like to try? 30 minute taster sessions for any holistic therapy or treatment are on a donation basis so the ball is in your court!
Truth and love come at no cost, be wise, be authentic and be humble.
I'm always here if anyone would like to connect, meditating, breathing, massaging, healing, loving and living one day at a time!
Whatever you want or need on a healing level you can pretty much get it from me!
Love you all
Compassionate Therapy at The Zen Den Retford